Santa Claus, the once loved Christian gift giver, and ambassador of goodwill and holiday cheer, was detained at his residence Monday afternoon by order of President Obama. Formal charges are pending, but in a statement Monday afternoon by White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, the President had become “...increasingly concerned by allegations of wrongdoing and abuse of office on the part of Mr. Claus.”, citing the recent surfacing of documents which have been described as Santa’s “Naughty/Nice lists”.
President Obama, in his weekly address stated, “This kind of favoritism goes against everything that we as Americans hold dear. When we give people the power to reward only good behavior, and punish bad behavior, well, that’s just not what America is all about.”
Santa’s arrest comes just weeks after protests from parents of naughty children outside toy stores in New York and Los Angeles, where Santa was scheduled to appear (at the same time, coincidentally). Parents calling for reform lined the streets in protest of what one parent called “blatant and shameful bias”, which she added, “…made my little Billy cry.”
In the meantime, President Obama has named Jacob Goldstein as acting Holiday Czar, pending Santa’s investigation.
Thomas Robertson II © 2009
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