"Twas the Night Before a Non-Denominational Holiday"

Twas the night before a non-denominational holiday, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The gender-neutral footwear were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Robert, the secular gift giver, soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-free snacks danced in their heads.
And my “life partner” in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out in the community garden there arose such a clatter,
I carefully rose from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
And opened it carefully, lifting with my legs and not my back.

The moon on the surface of the new-fallen snow
Gave the perception of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering, yet non-intrusive eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight developmentally challenged reindeer.

With an elderly driver, so cognitive and alert,
I knew in a moment it must be Robert.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And in a non-threatening tone he whispered, and encouraged them them by name!

“Now, Keshia! Now, Selena! Now Miguel and LeBron!
On, Ahmed! On, Emilio! On Leroy and John!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of learning aids, and Bob too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Robert came with a bound.

He was dressed all in 100% cotton, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of learning aids he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a teacher, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they were average, his skin color indistinct!
His cheeks were flushed by blood pressure, but he proclaimed that he neither smokes nor drinks!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a carrot stick he held tight in his teeth,
And happy sparkles encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
So I informed him of the dangers of trans fats and jelly!

He was obese, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, and was thoroughly ashamed of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Gave me concern that he may have ingested dangerous levels of lead.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the gender-neutral footwear, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
" A happy non-denominational holiday to all, and to all a good-night!"


Thomas Robertson II © 2009