Applying to Wal-Mart: A Simple Guide for Simple People

Filling out a Wal-Mart application can be a daunting task. Your name, address, phone number; how do they expect you to remember all that? Well, fear not. The following tutorial will not only walk you through the process of applying for the coveted position of “Wal-Mart Associate”, but will provide you the hints and tricks needed to ensure that you stand out from the countless number of people that apply each year to America’s favorite purveyor of foreign goods.

Applying
For many applying at Wal-Mart, this is the hardest part. Whether due to anxiety or sheer lack of schoolin’, many people tend to forget pertinent information, such as their name or address. To reduce the chance of such an occurrence, take a moment to write down all of your information beforehand on a separate sheet of paper, and take it with you. Be sure to include work history (if any), education (if any), and personal references (if any). Should you forget to bring this information with you, or if you simply cannot read your own writing, announce slowly (yet firmly) that you are illiterate. As the nation’s leading employer of educationally-challenged individuals, this will only serve to help your chances of being hired. To further your chances within the Wal-Mart family, announce your illiteracy from the comfort of an electric scooter.

Dress for the Job
Wal-Mart prides itself on the level of individuality displayed by it’s associates, but during the application/interview process it’s important to convey to the manager that you are Wal-Mart through and through.

Wal-Mart is the U.S.’s leading carrier of NASCAR merchandise, and any NASCAR clothing is sure to impress during your interview. Not only will your Earnhardt t-shirt show your knowledge of Wal-Mart merchandise, it will convey a sense of “team spirit” to the manager. Remember there is no “I” in “pit crew”.
If, however, you are one of the 2% of Wal-Mart customers who do not own any NASCAR related clothing, simply choose a shirt commemorating your favorite team’s last bowl game.

The Interview
During the interview process, you will be asked many questions regarding your skills and previous experience. Answer the questions honestly, but don’t be afraid to emphasize your strengths. Be creative if necessary. For example, recount a short story about the time you kept your cousin-in-law from beating his wife, to show that you are adept in “conflict resolution”. Or perhaps tell of the time you repaired the tailgate of your brother’s truck using only duct tape and a pocket knife. This says to the manager that you are a problem solver, and are able to think on your feet.

If all else fails, remember that any question asked within the walls of Wal-Mart can be answered by simply responding “Not my department”.